I was recently talking to a man about our book, Bully in the Barnyard, and he told me that he believed the whole "bullying stuff" is being overdone. I wasn't sure what he meant, so I asked him to explain. With some bravado, he told me that he was bullied as a kid, and he turned out just fine. He said that proves that this "anti-bullying stuff" is just a fad and is worthless. To be honest, he didn't use the word, "stuff", but I won't use the word he did. You get it. Of course, he added that we need to toughen our kids up because we are raising a "generation of sissies." Yes, you've heard all this before.
I would agree that the term "bully" is sometimes overused, and that every unkind act is not bullying. But when does a normal kid who needs to learn some manners turn into a true bully? What line is crossed when one person's behavior makes someone else feel small, insignificant, and worthless? And even worse, when does that feeling of insignificance lead to consequences that can't be undone? And is there culpability?My generation was told, "Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you." We know better. Words do hurt. When I talk to kids about bullying we talk about how words may not change your outside, but the constant barrage of cruel words can leave what one child has described as "a scar on your heart."
Yet that man insists that anti-bullying education is unimportant and a fad because he turned out fine. I know someone who had polio, and she turned out fine also. So according to the man's logic, was the Salk vaccine a worthless fad?
Please weigh in on this. Is there too much talk about bullying, or are we finally dealing with a subject that has been a problem for far too long? Let's get a conversation started.
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I agree with your message.
ReplyDeleteI don't think anti-bullying is a fad - but finding the answer is tough!
ReplyDeleteI have actually been pondering this a lot lately. The other day I was reading _Henry Huggins_ with a group of my students. In the book, the characters engage in a lot of ribbing, teasing and name-calling -- all of which I'd always read as good-natured. However, my students were aghast at the way the children were, in their words, bullying one another. I felt frustrated that the kids couldn't understand the difference between mild teasing, which is a fact-of-life for kids, and bullying, which is a serious issue. There is a fine-line because I do think there is a danger of labeling all hurtful behavior as bullying. Yet one of my biggest fears as a teacher (and a parent) would be missing the signs that a child in my care was being bullied. All this rambling to say that it is an important topic to talk about as students and as parents and educators. (By the way, Aunt Ellen, this is Rachel!! :) )
ReplyDeleteI agree, Rach. When I present, I spend a lot of time trying to help the kids understand the difference between bullying and normal teasing, but I wonder if bullying isn't in the "eye of the beholder."In other words, some kids are fine with teasing and others really aren't. If a child (or adult even) makes it clear that they don't like a certain behavior, is it bullying when the "perpetrator" continues the behavior? Not an easy issue.
ReplyDeleteThere's many assumptions and studied theories as to why we have a "bullying" problem now more than ever before. My personal opinion is based on my observations and what I have learned from the recent evolution of early childhood. By human nature and human intellect, we must engage at a higher level starting at day one. The importance of exposure to language when an infant and trying to do more independent physical activities, like standing by oneself, is part of the development of strong self-confidence. When a child enters kindergarten (and hopefully sooner), the structure of teaching social skills is imperative. However, much of this has fallen to the wayside to getting the students to read before first grade. I believe we fall into two large categories: collaboration or domination. Social skills must be taught so we fall more into collaboration. Through the teaching of social skills, people learn to trust and respect other forms of communication. We hope this then leads to self and people awareness and strong self-esteem. It is also important that we, as parents and adults, model what good human social behavior looks like. For instance at the dinner table, scrolling through Facebook or looking down at one's phone breaks all sorts of communication that people must learn through action. We must lead by action. I could go on and on about all of this. Basically my point being is that we must return ourselves to the true nature of what we, as humans, are fully capable of doing. We have a role in the world, and it's not to breakdown communication, but to lead it. If we do not take the time to learn from each other and learn from our own mistakes, we are more likely to blame another or feel so inferior that we must parade around like we are strong and bullish.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully stated, i-catching, and I couldn't agree more! Thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that man turned out "fine".
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